The Secret To A Good Product Name
I’m down to the wire on Nanowrimo, so this’ll be a short entry about something that’s been bothering me every morning, of late.
Look, Secret–by which I mean Procter and Gamble. I know you’re under pressure, or think you are, to come up with cute little names for your scents. Every time you develop a new product, it’s as if you’re opening a shitty hair salon. I get it.
But guys, even by your low standards, this is not good.
I can hear you saying, “But it rhymes!” Which it does. But rhyming does not automatically make something good. If you don’t believe me, please check out everything Mark Russell ever wrote. Aren’t you sorry, now? You should be. So should he.
As long as we’re on this topic, good God, Mark Russell. You are not now, nor will you ever be, Tom Lehrer. Please stop sullying his reputation by sounding vaguely like him without being any actual good.
Anyway, Secret, back to you. Truth or pear, you say? Well, which is it? The product does smell of pear, somewhat, so am I to assume I am being lied to? If not, what were you trying to say?
Take a look at what the Quebecois translator did with your stupid name. Pure pear. It’s not fancy, but it’s not idiotic, either. Make that your new goal–the next time you name something, strive to not be idiotic. I believe you can manage it, if you try.
By the way, Tom Lehrer is a surprisingly fun guy, for a Harvard-educated mathematics professor. Find some of his songs, if you can.
I Got It From Agnes, indeed.
Current Bedside Reading: Mackenzie Phillips, High on Arrival
Commentary: What I wouldn’t give to be at the Phillips family Christmas this year. As if the contents of her biography weren’t enough, one of her siblings is born-again, and another is a Scientologist. ”Pass the salt, war god worshipper and suppressive person.” “Why certainly, hell-bound space alien cultist.” Seriously, can you buy that kind of entertainment? They need to develop a sitcom.
My iPod Is Singing:
“I love my friends and they love me
We’re just as close as we can be
And just because we really care
Whatever we get, we share!
I got it from Agnes
She got it from Jim
We all agree it must have been
Louise who gave it to him
Now she got it from Harry
Who got it from Marie
And everybody knows that Marie
Got it from me
Giles got it from Daphne
She got it from Joan
Who picked it up in County Cork
A-kissin’ the blarney stone
Pierre gave it to Shiela
Who must have brought it there
He got it from Francois and Jacques
Aha, lucky Pierre!
Max got it from Edith
Who gets it every spring
She got it from her daddy
Who just gives her everything
She then gave it to Daniel
Whose spaniel has it now
Our dentist even got it
And we’re still wondering how
But I got it from Agnes
Or maybe it was Sue
Or Millie or Billie or Gillie or Willie
It doesn’t matter who
It might have been at the pub
Or at the club, or in the loo
And if you will be my friend, then I might …
(mind you, I said might …)
Give it to you!”
Comments
JF (Dec 01, 2009)
I don’t know if that would be a good game….truth or pear?
I’ll take pear….
Ok, here you go…
*munch munch*
But yes, it is a dumb name.
The Management (Dec 01, 2009)
Given the options marketing presented us, you can see why we had to go with “Truth or Pear”:
- I Could Pear Less
- She’s Got A Nice Pear
- Pear Along The Dotted Line
- Pearmageddon
Gayleen (Dec 01, 2009)
Ooh, I like Pearmageddon. It’s not your grandpa’s pear scent. It is extreme.
James Brown (Dec 01, 2009)
“am I to assume I am being lied to”
When being presented with marketing, do you really need to ask this?
I posit that “Truth or Pear” is intentionally ironic, suggested by someone who was on their way to a better job.
James
Anne (Dec 02, 2009)
Why would anyone choose to smell like a pear? That’s my question.
Anyway, about Mackenzie Philips: yeesh. I haven’t read the book (nor am I likely to), but I did hear about it on the news (CJSR, I think). Apparently, she said something about how concentual incest needs a name (doesn’t it have one? Like, maybe, “consentual incest?”), or that it needs to be acknowledged. To which I responded, “No, I don’t think so, Mackenzie. Have another hit of acid or line of cocaine, you twacked-out ditch pig.”
Jeez. Some people’s kids.
gayleenfroese (Dec 02, 2009)
Yeeeeeah, um, I think she’s way more messed up, still, than she thinks she is. I think she thinks she’s sorted now.
Anne (Dec 02, 2009)
Yeeeeeah.
DPCS (Dec 03, 2009)
Conensual incest has a name. It’s called “Georgia Lovin’”.
Hello, Atlanta Chamber of Commerce. I hear you like inbreeding. Welcome to G’s comment section.
Recovering STV Staff (Dec 07, 2009)
Conensual incest has a name. It’s called “Georgia Lovin’”.
Also big in Yorkton and area too.
Recovering STV Staff (Dec 07, 2009)
Sorry, The Yorkton